dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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