I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
