how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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