Don't make out with my wife yet
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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