oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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