I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
