I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
