that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You smell like stripper and shame
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
