I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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