i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
