This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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