If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
