I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
