i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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