I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
