Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she pinky promised me she was 18
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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