I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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