yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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