Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
