mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
