I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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