I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
