why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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