i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
