why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
