he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
