This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
