Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Come see our sink grown plant.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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