Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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