Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
MIDGETS
????
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
