just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
