Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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