Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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