his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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