I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
