ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.