I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head