just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.