The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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