Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize