She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
