I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
