I heard we made out
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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