i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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