I can tuck mytits in my pants
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
dude. I can hear the air.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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