hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
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I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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