We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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