dude i'm inner monologue high
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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