My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
