I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
third nipple confirmed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
