i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
