Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
not ubering you a puppy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
do nipples grow back?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
