its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
