Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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