I hate your face
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
