I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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