At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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