becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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