sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize