I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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